Thursday, May 25, 2006

Of longing

These are called ranunculas - I don't know much about them. I tried growing them while in Calgary with little success, but here in SW Ontario and buying them basically in bloom makes it a whole lot easier. They are just so pretty and the folds add to their mystery. I am sure that I saw them in a Martha Steward magazine way back when I was getting ideas for my wedding - and they have stuck. I didn't get them in my wedding bouquet - that's probably why I have longed for them since.

Why is it that girls, women, the female sex can be so hard on ourselves. Are we really always longing for more? I was speaking to a girlfriend today and we touched on briefly the subject of girls supporting girls and women supporting women ( or lack of). Men who hurt us may be clueless. They may be still boys or are selfish or plain stupid but women...why do we hurt each other? I hear about the whole "sisterhood" - but is it for real? When it comes down to it...to surviving...to backstabbing.... to emotional bruising...to the gossiping...and to manipulating and being negative it is almost always done by a women. Why can't we just be nice to each other and think nothing more of it? Why do we have to play games? Is it our own uncertainty and lack of confidence that exposes us? Where are the courses that tell us to embrace that uncertainty? OK - this is getting way to heavy for a blog - but I'll just end this paragraph by saying that I am going to try. My daughter is almost 3 - and I'm going to try to teach her to embrace it all...to be afraid, to ask for help, to say what is on her mind, to be human...and I in turn will try to just be, to just be...for her - to not expect or long for more.

On a different note - we all had dinner tonight as a family. Had a bunch of chicken and did a Best of Bridge recipe. So simple and easy. It was nice to just be and eat together. A little bit too much talking for CJ and not enough eating - but it was nice. I even cut fresh fruit for dessert. 8:30 pm - and all is quiet upstairs. It's a test tonight - later bedtime - less winding down time...fingers crossed for a normal wakeup and day tomorrow.

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